After reading my last post.

It's been a while that I did not visit my blog or add anything new. Today, when I reopened this blog, I saw my last post, which is about my bf. Through this post, I can feel that I love this guy very much at the time when I was writing that post. Now only I realize that in the past, I really love him very much. But now, maybe because the time has passed by, I'm suspecting that he is just my habit. Maybe being with him is just a habit or is about love. I do not have a confident answer for myself now. But anyway, I will still be with him even if being with him is just a habit.

I don't want to have any new changes in my life now, especially in love relationship. I just want to study peacefully and have friends to be with me. Maybe I just want to concentrate on what I should do now but not love. This does not mean that I do not love him anymore. Maybe I just don't have the mood to date. But sometimes, like last night, I miss him very much which I do not know why. But I did not call him because my phone has no money. Actually I can ask my friend to sms him because I know, he will call me back but I did not do so as I want him to concentrate on his studies and when he really misses me, he will call me. I don't want to make him think that I just treat him as a tool that is used to accompany me when I need him.

Then, last night, when I was watching drama, he called. I rushed out of my room with my phone to answer his call (because Yoke Ching was in my room watching drama with me). I told him everything that I feel and I was very happy and excited that time. This tells me that I really do love him but still I am doubtful about my feelings.

I think I will continue to write my blog (if I have the determination or consistency). Haha! But I do not know whether I should publicize my blog or not because this post and the previous one are about my real feelings towards him. In another words, I feel a bit shy. Haha! But nevermind, after thinking about this, I've decided to make my blog public again because I think not many people or even no people will be visiting my blog. Haha!