I Hope Everything is Just a Dream

Have you ever wanted to wake up from a dream and every bad dreams and nightmares you have will just remain as dreams?

YES! I have always wanted it to happen. But...it never does. 

For those who have read my previous posts, sorry guys, wrong info. I have some corrections to make here.

Corrections:

I am not going to stay 5 miles away from campus, instead, I think I will be staying less than 1 mile from campus. Do you think it's a good news? Yea, maybe you think so, but I am not sure about it. 

Wondering why? Good! I am about to tell you. Remember the awesome, fantastic and great service Brookside Townhomes I mentioned and even put its link in my previous post? Yea, it gave my only room to others. The three girls who have signed the lease have found a friend to move in with them. Guess it's my fault for hearing wrong info. Thro the phone for the first time I asked "does it mean that I have to sign the lease, pay the rent and move in on the same day?" The other side of the phone, "yes, you can do that." So, stupid me, having no idea of what is security deposit, thought that I have to send them my scanned I-20 and the roommate matching questionnaire then everything is done. Overwhelmed by the room I thought I have reserved, I was very exciting and happy that day. And now? Brookside said I haven't paid the deposit so it's fine for them to give the room I wanted to the person which is found by the three girls. And that was the only room available! 

What a great way to make me stay awake whole night crying and searching for housing online, hopefully can find a room to stay. Throughout the searching, I found a place called Providence Court & Providence Hills. They have some rooms left and they only offer 1 bedroom/1bathroom and 2bedroom/2bathroom. They expect people who want to rent to have found their own roommate or friend to rent together. 1bedroom/1bathroom is definitely too expensive, around $600-$700 though all the utilities are included. While the latter one, it's affortable since it's around $800 for two persons but the thing is I can't find anyone to stay with me because I am going to Missouri all alone. What a way to start my life in US. 

However, in the end, I was too worried about not getting roommate and all the other rooms would be filled up. Hence, I decided to find University Place Apartment. Yes, it's really near to campus. But most people who have lived there give bad reviews and feedbacks. I have found out about it like long long time ago. That's why I kept finding other housings and calling them to ask for any available and affordable room. I was even glad to have found this room which is 5 miles (7.7 km) away from campus and it costs me $506 every month. (Exceeding the budget that JPA gives me by $6.)
http://www.uplace.com/lease_rate.htm

Lucky enough, there are still rooms available for 2bedrooms apartment and I can just rent for one room. I don't have to rent the whole apartment all by myself and find a roommate myself. Too bad the 3bedrooms are full. Speaking of this, I forgot to ask him how many bathrooms are available in the 2bedrooms apartment. I was talking to him about something (I forgot what was it about) and the phone call just ended suddenly due to the fact that my phone is out of credit. Haha. Not going to call him back until Tuesday morning (US) because Monday is the holiday for Independence Day in US. 

It's good that the rooms are available now but I'm still worried that it won't be available again. Getting this room (if I really get it in the end) is somehow lucky. More appropriate meaning in Chinese would be “不幸中之大幸”。My mom still requests for this and that for a room. To me, it's good enough to have somewhere near campus to stay even though it might be a crappy one. 

During Form 2, I told myself, "I must thank whoever that hurts me." And now, I am telling myself, "I must thank and accept whatever unfortunate events which challenge me and make me cry". From what had happened, I also realized that it's not easy to live a simple and peaceful life which I have been dreaming about since little.

~ I do not dream to be rich, just have enough money to stay healthy and prevent starvation.

~ I do not dream to be famous, just want to be a commoner who has her own dignity and pride.

~ I do not dream to have perfect husband, just a man who truly loves me to protect me and never leaves me alone in sadness.

~ I do not dream of diamond ring or any expensive ring for my wedding, just have some wedding photos taken and wedding certificate signed are good enough for me. 

I just want a simple and normal family, a peaceful one. Simple wedding which has no wedding dinner, just signing the certificate and if financially allowed, then honeymoon. I only want things to be simple and easy. 

p/s: sorry for losing myself. |sorry for troubling you. |sorry for being weak. |sorry for being childish. |sorry for hurting you. |sorry for not choosing the right path and making the right choice. |sorry for staying away from you for so long. |sorry for not being the person that you once known.
I am sorry. I am running out of courage. I cannot stand straight as you want me to be. I need you. Please grant me courage to face all the things ahead my path. Please stay in my heart like you were all along when I was little. Whenever I am scared, you are always by my side to give me courage and give me strength, to face all the evils around me and inside me. I wish to be your small little angel I once was. Please give me a second chance to find back the lost me. I know it is all my fault. I know it is my punishment. I dare not ask for forgiveness. I am thankful that you have found me again. I am thankful that you have not abandoned me. Thank you.