I'm waiting for you and I will always wait for you. I will only let you see or hear the happiness in me. I will keep my sadness all to myself.
Because I love you, because I want you to be happy and have no worries. If both of us are going to suffer, I prefer taking all the suffering with me, leaving only happiness with you. I prefer to suffer it myself. I know you don't like the way I do things but I hope you will accept it.
Every time when I think of the past, I will be very happy and grateful. We were always together and met each other everyday. That time was the happiest time in my life. At least I could listen to your voice and saw your face everyday when we were in secondary school. In the past, I would only bring happiness to you but the Wan Yen now brings only sadness. I become your burden, not your happy angel anymore. I know I must be considerate and tolerant. I must learn to live my life without you now. Now, you are very busy and stressed. Moreover, you need to care about my feelings all the time, which makes you feel tire.
Today, you asked me to put myself in your shoes and try to understand you. From what you have told me, I know that I'm a heavy onus to you in your heart. You also asked me not to think so much and not to be sad. I know you love me very much. You want to please me and make me happy. So, every time when I'm sad, you will be sad too. If I cried, your heart would feel painful too. Because I love you, I need to lie to you. I've decided to be always happy even if I'm not because I don't want you to be sad or feel tire anymore. I'm sorry.
Every time when I look at the photos of us, my heart will ache. Maybe it's because I know that you are not by my side anymore. I miss you so much that almost every night I cry before I go to bed. Tears have accompanied me to sleep. I don't blame you. Even I cry, I still feel grateful because I have met you. The God has given me the best lover that I can never had, which is you.
I know what to do now. I can only wait for you everyday for your sms and hopefully, your phone call. Even if I missed you very much, I would still hold myself from smsing or calling you.
What I have now is only memory. Memory of the sweet time that we had together. The things that we had done together. I miss your hug. I didn't ask for others. I just hope that I can hug you and stay in your arms to cry when I'm sad. You don't have to say a word. I just like the feeling of you hugging me. I like your body warmth and your presence. Even though this is just a small request, but I know that it can't happen.
KP, I love you...
