To you, my beloved KP.

I'm waiting for you and I will always wait for you. I will only let you see or hear the happiness in me. I will keep my sadness all to myself.
Because I love you, because I want you to be happy and have no worries. If both of us are going to suffer, I prefer taking all the suffering with me, leaving only happiness with you. I prefer to suffer it myself. I know you don't like the way I do things but I hope you will accept it.
Every time when I think of the past, I will be very happy and grateful. We were always together and met each other everyday. That time was the happiest time in my life. At least I could listen to your voice and saw your face everyday when we were in secondary school. In the past, I would only bring happiness to you but the Wan Yen now brings only sadness. I become your burden, not your happy angel anymore. I know I must be considerate and tolerant. I must learn to live my life without you now. Now, you are very busy and stressed. Moreover, you need to care about my feelings all the time, which makes you feel tire.
Today, you asked me to put myself in your shoes and try to understand you. From what you have told me, I know that I'm a heavy onus to you in your heart. You also asked me not to think so much and not to be sad. I know you love me very much. You want to please me and make me happy. So, every time when I'm sad, you will be sad too. If I cried, your heart would feel painful too. Because I love you, I need to lie to you. I've decided to be always happy even if I'm not because I don't want you to be sad or feel tire anymore. I'm sorry.
Every time when I look at the photos of us, my heart will ache. Maybe it's because I know that you are not by my side anymore. I miss you so much that almost every night I cry before I go to bed. Tears have accompanied me to sleep. I don't blame you. Even I cry, I still feel grateful because I have met you. The God has given me the best lover that I can never had, which is you.
I know what to do now. I can only wait for you everyday for your sms and hopefully, your phone call. Even if I missed you very much, I would still hold myself from smsing or calling you.
What I have now is only memory. Memory of the sweet time that we had together. The things that we had done together. I miss your hug. I didn't ask for others. I just hope that I can hug you and stay in your arms to cry when I'm sad. You don't have to say a word. I just like the feeling of you hugging me. I like your body warmth and your presence. Even though this is just a small request, but I know that it can't happen.
KP, I love you...

Fly For the First Time

Yesterday was the first time I fly. I like this experience. When the plane was ready to take off, I could feel the momentum and the speed of the plane. It was so fast. I like that feeling. And slowly, I can feel the lifting of the plane. Since I was sitting near the wings of the plane, I could see the wing and its movement. When the plane started to fly up to the sky, I could feel the trembling. The scene from the window of the plane was fantasting! I nearly thought that I was in heaven. The beauty of the clouds accompanied me all the way from KL to Penang. I found out that the sky has many levels of cloud. The clouds looked soft and spongy. White in color, so pure... and looks tasty. I also noticed the shape that formed by cloud. There were dinosaurs fighting( which made me thought of someone, miss that person ), dogs chasing each other and other shapes.

以为

以为。。。
其实，是我自己想太多了。以为这个以为那个。其实全都不纯在。
婉艳，成熟一点吧。别那么单纯。
酱快相信人是错的。容易投入感情，是更错的。
要学会玩得起，以前你都能，你最能玩得起的，怎么现在变成了懦夫？
以前潇洒的你呢？不受约束的你呢？不为任何事而烦恼的你呢？
会受伤的人就是那些投入感情的人。你。。。不可以再这样了。
远离一切，忘了一切，抛弃一切，独立一些，勇敢一些，坚强。。。
这样，就不再会受伤害了。我真的应该要学会保护自己。
而我的保护方式 = 逃避！
常常逃避问题，希望上天来保护我，希望时间帮我解决。
这就是我。逃避是我的首要方法。

First Time Driving At INTI

After eating with sj, he allowed me to drive his car. I didn't drive car for a long time. I didn't even know which one is break or pedal. Luckily his car is auto. I drove one round in INTI, telling him about the Jalan Pulau Penang and how to drive to my block because he said always get lost in INTI. We talked a lot tonight. We ate burger, beef burger and hotdog burger because the fish burger special that he wanted to try is out of stock.

The night after socio trial.

After having our dinner at 10 something, we went back to hostel and this is what we did.


This one is not taken after the trial. It is the picture of Betty (left) and June Job (right), which is taken during the mass suicide trial's break.
















Joanne took this picture when I was sitting at this position. She asked me to turn my face to the side.

















The security guard (left), Betty hiao po (middle) and June Job (right) are acting cool.

They will be the best friends ever!

hahaha!!!













Joanne tried to pose like she is my girlfriend. haiz...


















Joanne tried to be cool but she turns out to be not cool at all. haha!











Photo is taken outside yoke ching's room after we came back from the socio trial.















I'm acting cool, Joanne is being sweet. Such contrasting!
haha!!!















In this photo, the kiss that Joanne gave me makes me look like a small kid who is kissed by a pretty Jie Jie.
So sad... but maybe many guys hope that this will happen to them because Joanne is really pretty.

Luck can change everything.

Have you ever thought or imagined about the life you are in now?
In the past, I thought my life will be just as normal as my sister or others. After SPM, apply to only matriculation and JPA. Usually the only path for me is form 6, just like my sister used to be because I know I will never get JPA or matriculation.

I never knew that my life when I am 18 will be what it's like right now. I also don't know that SPM has the power to change a person life so much.

Can you believe that a person who is always the bottom 6 in the class can have such luck to get what others thought he can't get? He himself also can't believe it.

Because of the good luck he has in SPM, his life changed totally from what he had expected. He also have a hard time in his studies because he is not as smart as others. He has not been so hardworking before in his life. In secondary school, he just fool around all the time. He is the naughty one and the joker. He didn't do his homework all the time and always copy others. He only studies the day before the test.

Everyday he didn't eat breakfast to school. Now, he eats breakfast almost everyday. He even cleans his own room which he won't do it in the past.

Because of this luck, he met the best lecturer ever. He learnt about many things. He realized how big the world is and how tiny he is. He learnt to be humble and tolerant.

Because of this luck, he had changed a lot. This luck opens a whole new world to him and put him in the reality world. In the past, he just lived in a fairy tale. Live happily without worry. Now, everyday he is worrying and feeling stress.

Busy October

After raya holiday, the life of hell has come. Damn busy!
2 CSC assignments, each contains 10 marks.
Sociology trial, 30 marks.
CSC test, 10 marks.
Sociology test, 5 marks.

At last, the socio trial has finished. Even though I lost the case, I didn't feel very sad. I just accept it.
I've done 1 of the CSC assignments too. Now only left the Front Page!
I suppose to have the tests this week and I didn't even start studying for them. But luckily both the tests are postponed to next week tuesday and wednesday. Still, there are not enough time to really study for them because I need time to complete my CSC assignment which is needed to pass up next tuesday. Hope that i manage to finish the front page assignment tomorrow.

Wah, so tired today. So late already. Can't stand any longer. Go to brush my teeth and sleep now.